Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell ya 'bout this album. It's called "Ready to Die" by a fella named Notorious B.I.G., or Biggie Smalls, as some folks know him. Now, I may not be the hippest cat when it comes to the rap scene, but this record caught my attention, and I reckon it's worth talkin' 'bout. 

First things first, the beats on this thing, they're like a Texas two-step, you know? They got this rhythm that just grabs ya, makes you nod your head even if you're not sure what they're talkin' about. And Biggie's voice, it's got this gravitas, like he's been through some real-life stuff. You can hear it in every rhyme, every line he drops.

Now, the lyrics, they're somethin' else. Biggie's got this way with words that's both street-smart and introspective. He's like a cowboy tellin' his own tales, paintin' pictures of Brooklyn life that even a rancher from Texas can relate to. The struggles, the dreams, the whole shebang—it's all there in his rhymes. See, in this line of work, you can't talk about every song, so I'm going to tell you a little bit about the ones that I connect with. 

"Things Done Changed," the first track, sets the tone like one my many inaugural addresses - “the big show,” as I like to call it. Biggie talks about how the world's different now, and I can't help but think about how things changed in the Middle East, too.  Anyway, the beat's got this serious vibe, but you can still tap your boots to it. It's a powerful way to kick off the record. Or an invasion for that matter. Could you imagine?

"Gimme the Oil" is a wild ride. Biggie's flow is like a Texan tornado, fast and furious. He's talkin' 'bout the grind, the hustle, and it's hard not to respect a man who's workin' to make a better life for himself. Forget about being fooled twice, you couldn't catch this man asleep at the wheel not even bout one time. The beats here are like a stampede, relentless and unstoppable. Good for you Smalls. I think I can feel what you’re feeling - and I like it. 

Then there's "Juicy," and let me tell ya, this one's like a victory lap. “Mission Accomplished,” as I always say. Biggie's celebratin' success, and it reminds me of those days when I was sittin' in the Oval Office, achievin' things. The beat's smooth, like a fine bourbon, and the horns give it this triumphant feel.

“One More Chance” One more chance - that’s a funny thing.  The fine honeys of Brooklyn give BIG a chance just like the American people gave me a second term. It’s the same in a lot of ways. You see. Me and BIG, we spend a lot of time on the phone. Not listening, per se, so I can relate. We listen, we listen, then we drop bombs. It’s not so hard. 

“Big Poppa” Now this one spoke to my heart.. Brought a chuckle to your boy Dubya’. Now, the calamari between BIG and his poppa had me reminiscing about my own dear old dad. I'm not quite sure who Mr. Wallace daddy was but big HW, we called him Big Poppy. Ah I remember those fishing trips he'd take me and my brother Jed on.. dang, we used to do it every weekend.. Even had these fancy rods with the infrared beams but we never caught a damn thing, them largemouth bass used to play us like dummies. 

Matter fact, BIG probably remembers my pops, he was the bad boy running the ship around the time his music came out..... Where was I? Ain't it funny how a single word can throw you completely off your train of thought?..... Right, the song. This man moves like a real cowboy, he talkin bout having the gun up on his waist, listen we shoot from the hip out here, in that sense, we're the same - mano y mano. Couldn't tell you much about what he's saying in the rest of the song, meteors aren't really my thing but love it.. Like a commander in chief, he don't need to explain—he don't need to explain why he says things. That's the interesting thing about being a rapper.

In the end, "Ready to Die" ain't just a rap album; it's a slice of life. And just like in life, nothing is  perfect. It’s not all sunshine and roses. I can’t shoot straight with y’all and tell you my good friend Dick Cheney didn’t say we have to keep a barrel of oil for ourselves here. Makes things... copacetic.   

GRADE:

4/5 BARRELS OF OIL